Some people say life is a matter of glory. Everything has to be perfect. No flaw. No mistake. But, who I am to judge. I face my naivety instead; flying my dignity up high and has confessed the fact of my full-of-mistake-life. My life is no longer glory. I am 30 years old and torn apart in the most beautiful city in the world, Venice.
My fiancée gave me surprise. He said this one will be the most memorable moment for both of us. How could I refuse to his request? I barely could give up on his smile. His dimples and blue eyes; they are just affectionate enough - to calm me down in every possible situation of my life. We met during conference in Vienna. I was looking for inspiration; doing my article about "beauty sites you should witness in Vienna" (beside its boring series of conferences). A stranger was dare enough to ask whether or not I needed help with my camera. Yes, I have been a lone-traveller in my life. And yet, I am travelling in order to keep up with life. So, when he embraced my clumsiness with the camera that I (well, my company I suppose) just bought, I could not help but said yes immediately. He helped me out, he even taught me how to use the camera. It was a very fancy camera with specific type of lens. I think that type of lens could be used to stalk your neighbors. But, I did not. I addressed heaps of thanks to my camera to gathered us both.
Couple drinks in perfect summer weather with him of course. I am a freelancer of travel magazine, meanwhile he is a creature, called perfection. He has spoiled me with everything women have ever thought only in their imaginations. And yet, I am ignited with beautiful realities. He said he is a businessman. I did a research about him - well, you can call me stalker but I don't mind. He is a brilliant 27 years man, graduated from one major Law School in Netherlands. And yet, business has been a charm he has been eager to conquer. Little did he mention about his interest of law, but I am sure he has been using the 'law' knowledge to make his business grown bigger than ever. I do not doubt it.
"So, will you take the shot?" he grinned not many minutes right after he delivered surprising offer.
"Well...," I really meant the pause after the 'well', resembling the well might not be well.
I knew he'd never show any emotion. He is a plain charm, his birth in his world is made out of gold.
"....it depends." I continued once he poured another white wine in my wine glass. Certainty is depicted in the side of my rational mind, yes he is curious.
We have known each other for years and yet there is always barrier between us. I barely know him albeit I must mention the pleasure of bed-time-stories each warm night. He touched me, always softly and yet his softness has always ripped my body apart. Those eyes again, staring at me right through my corneas. The iris are the spot of icy-cold-perception. Very deceitful, indeed.
"I am on the side of evil and I am not sure which side you will refer yourself in. If the possibility reveals the side of your mind. I'd definitely dare myself to." I came clean as I could not possibly warm the stares.
"I am on the side of the devil. My demand is not a command, and yet I wish you could derive your decision into one house that I favor." His answer, his dictions and his glare - killing me, torturing me and creating nausea in my body system. I really, really, really have to withdraw from this confusion. Not that it has startled my way of thinking what's best or who's beast, but it causes me pain. And no pain killer could murder it.
I shook my head. My body was shocked, since my heart attempted suicide at that right moment. I stood up as my right hand reached my right ear; I was nervous. I left with silence.
Life of perfection has never been easy as it is a paradise utopia for many. The idea of sharing a house with a boundary and hazy direction will make my heart as dark as evil. It will sink it deep, down deep in the border-less ocean.
Thank you for teaching me how to dump a broken house in the wide ocean.
